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2019-01-08 17:20:33

Subject: Predator(2018)
Posted By: Admin

Plot? Who needs a plot, we have Predators! The Predator(2018) is a mess; the plot is almost as incoherent as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez attempting to talk policy. I read somewhere that the entire third act was scrapped and reshot, and that would account for some of the many plot problems this movie has. Equally as bad is the acting from the lead, there were points I thought the actor was a cardboard cutout.

What does this movie have going for it? Not much, the lead has a group of followers, lovingly called “The Loonies” that come nowhere close to matching the personality of Arnie’s group in the original Predator. They are mostly forgettable, but they do include the Punisher(Thomas Jane(wasting his talent)) and Theon Greyjoy(Alfie Allen). There’s also Olivia Munn, who as usual, is very nice to look at.


Psylocke takes on the Predator

The basic plot is a Predator arrives on earth to give mankind the ultimate weapon to use against his own kind so they can no longer hunt on earth. How does he present this gift? By killing everyone he comes across(with the exception of a naked Olivia Munn, apparently even aliens have a thing for Psylocke). Naturally the other Predators can’t let us have this weapon, so they send some sort of super Predator hybrid to destroy the weapon. Unfortunately for the Predators, they didn’t account for a cardboard cutout standing in their way.


Punisher vs. Predator would have made for a far more interesting movie.

There is also the standard subplot of the super, duper, ooper, pooper kid who can easily hack into an alien computer system in seconds whereas a team of trained programmers, engineers and scientists can only stand around and scratch their heads. He must be related to the child hacker from Jurassic Park.

Don’t waste your time on this, pop in the original and watch a much better Predator movie.




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2018-11-15 22:02:05

Subject: Wentworth
Posted By: Admin

Wentworth(2013) is an Australian show set in a women’s prison. It is a remake of Prisoner: Cell Block H(1979). The show follows the lives of the prisoners and guards as they go about their daily lives.

The first four seasons center around Bea Smith from her arrival as fresh prisoner through her journey to top dog. Timid and meek at first, she quickly takes charge. A quick training montage gives her the power to easily dispatch the toughest of prisoners. I was no fan of Bea and was not sad when she exited the show. She was my second least favorite character on the show (we’ll get to the first in a bit), I didn’t like her crusader/holier than though attitude.

This show greatly overused the “person A arrives at just the right time/place to prevent a tragedy” trope, especially in Bea’s case. It felt like every episode her life was in jeopardy, only to be prevented because someone showed up out of nowhere to rescue her. It got to a point where it was ridiculous.

I almost gave up on the show, until I read spoilers and saw that Bea left after the fourth season. Surely the show would improve upon her leaving, and it did, until the sixth season where the bottom fell out. I’ll get to that in bit as well, which will tie in with my most hated character.


#TeamFranky

First I will note a few of the better characters, like Franky Doyle, the spunky inmate who didn’t always have everyone’s best interests at heart. She had depth and grew through the show and unlike Bea, proved quite likeable as a character.

Sue ‘Boomer’ Jenkins was the comic relief; the actress kept her likeable and avoided straying into overly annoying ‘trying to be too funny’ sidekick.


I’ll show you how we deal with laggers.

The main antagonist for most of the show was Joan Ferguson, first as warden and then as prisoner. In the wrong hands Ferguson would have been an over the top villain, but Pamela Rabe’s brilliant performance brings a chilling depth that draws you into her web of treacherous schemes. If there is one reason to watch the show, her performance is it.

Now to the bad, season six, The Fredo Corleone of Wentworth. Without Ferguson and Franky’s arc wrapping up early in the season, they introduced a silly “fight club” plotline just so they could push Ruby the boxer down our throats. On the rare instance when the actress’s performance wasn’t cringe worthy, it was laughable. She (and to a lesser extent her sister Rita) single handedly ruined season six and lowered my overall opinion of the show. If they make a season seven, I will only watch if they kill her off.

They really wanted us to like her, every effort was made to draw our sympathy. Oh no! The unstoppable juggernaut Drago found out Ruby murdered her boss Marie Winter’s only son! Now she’s going to tear Ruby apart! The horrors! Who can save her?

For her brief time on screen, Drago was a compelling character and one of the (very) few bright spots of season six. I felt they could have done much more with her, but unfortunately she was merely a device to gain sympathy for Ruby. I fear Winter’s fate lies on a similar path, another interesting character wasted to push Ruby.

Rounding out my list of most hated characters is Rita, Rose’s sister, at number three, depending on how season seven plays out; she could shoot to number two.

A little online research shows Rita is a fan favorite (and to a lesser extent Rose), how the masses are so easily manipulated. Now my hatred for the two has intensified.

In conclusion #TeamWinter (with that name, I have to be on her side)



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2018-11-06 19:16:00

Subject: Site News
Posted By: Admin

I haven’t been updating this site as much as I had originally planned. In an effort to fix this, I have decided to bring in an editor. Due to a shoestring budget, I could only afford to hire my cat Emmett. Mistakes will be made, as he’s never edited before, but I am confident he will be a quick learner.


Emmy Hepping!

Welcome to the staff Emmett. Future updates should be far more frequent.


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2018-01-31 14:27:53

Subject: Beware! the Blob
Posted By: Admin

“Beware the Blob” stars Robert Walker Jr.(Charlie X from Star Trek!), Carol Lynley(Poseidon Adventure), Dick Van Patten(Eight is Enough), Gerrit Graham(Cannonball) and a cameo by director Larry Hagman(Dallas).

I have a new yard stick with which all movies shall now be judged. This is the only movie worthy of showcasing Charlie X. “Beware! The Blob” is a lesson in brilliance; it shows how high one can truly aspire in life. All you can do is sit back and stare in awe at the complete perfection this movie showcases. There will honestly never be another movie that can come close to capturing the magic this movie creates. Where the putrid “Star Wars, The Last Jedi” shows us all that can go wrong with a movie, this shows us all that can go right.

From the terrifying opening battle between the freshly released blob and a spunky kitten(one of the greatest fights ever put on screen I might add), through the wrenching attack on the man in a gorilla suit, to the ending chase between the blob and Charlie X, this movie had me on the edge of my seat.


Mere moments before the greatest battle ever put on screen begins.


The direction, the acting, the dialogue, everything clicks. For his all too brief screen time, the kitten put on an acting display that was Oscar worthy. His timing, his facial expressions, I can’t believe his career did not take off after this movie. His brave battle for truth and justice will not be soon forgotten.


I hate strawberry jam!


This movie touched me on a spiritual level and made me believe in magic. I had once held the movie “Killdozer” in the highest esteem, but this film opened my eyes to true, gosh-darn, real movie magic. Larry Hagman directed only one feature film, and I am grateful it was this one. Thank you J.R., you done good. I believe again.

I rate this five out of five spunky kittens.


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2017-12-30 15:30:52

Subject: Pottersville
Posted By: Admin

Pottersville(2017) stars Michael Shannon(Boardwalk Empire), Ron Perlman(Hellboy), Ian McShane(Deadwood) and Christina Hendricks(Firefly). A man wearing a gorilla suit goes on a drunken rampage and people mistake him for Bigfoot which brings national attention to his small, dying town.


I can think of only 2 reasons to watch this movie.


I am going to be honest and admit the only reason I watched this was because I noticed it starred Christina Hendricks. How bad can a movie with the lovely Christina in it be? I won’t answer that, instead I will say you really, really, really need to suspend belief to accept the fact that anyone would mistake the shoddy gorilla costume the guy wears for Bigfoot. Perhaps that’s part of the movie’s “humor”, the fact that anyone takes this serious.

With a name like Pottersville, you know there will be references to “It’s a wonderful life.” There is also a near line for line scene where they spoof the part in Jaws where everyone is in the town hall wondering what to do and Quint scratches the blackboard to get their attention before offering to track down and kill the shark.


When it came to the Bigfoot costume, they went all out.


When the best part of the movie is a spoof of Jaws, you know you’re in trouble. A subplot involves the sheriff(Ron Perlman) as a closet furry who hooks up with the protagonist’s wife(Christina Hendricks) to do furry things. The movie hides Christina in a bunny costume for many of her scenes, such a waste of her assets.

Overall the movie is big nothing burger. Unless you are a furry, I’d avoid it. Remember, I watch these movies so you don’t have to.


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